SOCIAL ANXIETY–Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Fear, Shyness, and Social Phobia to Achieve Success in All Social Situations
by Angel Greene
Introduction
It is common to be nervous or shy in social situations.
Before giving a big presentation to everyone, it seems that when they go to give the presentation, they will become nervous.
There are also people who get extremely nervous in social situations. What people don’t understand is that social anxiety disorder is not something you can turn on and off.
Saying that a person with anxiety should get over it isn’t helpful.
To do this means that you are not able to understand what they are feeling.
In this summary, you’ll learn the difference between “normal” anxiety and an anxiety disorder. Anxiety means worry, uneasiness or nervousness. Along with this, you will also learn to deal with them.
In the end, you’ll know how to live with social anxiety.
Anxiety 101
Ashley Greene, the author of this book, used to be just as nervous as you a long time ago.
Any kind of conversation or interaction used to make him sweat.
She used to get scared just thinking about talking to a new person.
But now Ashley is all set to stand in front of a crowd and talk to them.
When she is invited by her church to give a speech, she can now easily say yes without hesitation.
Ashley can easily take all the credit.
She could say that she did all this herself.
But there were many factors that got her to where she is today: a confident woman who isn’t afraid of the spotlight.
Before you can find out how they did it, you must first know something.
What exactly is anxiety?
Anxiety is feeling worried or apprehensive about something that is not certain or certain.
This can happen when you think how well or how badly you have performed in your test.
This could be the feeling you get when you are about to go skydiving.
It can also be the feeling you get on the morning of your wedding.
Anxiety is a normal emotion.
But on the other hand, anxiety disorder is a completely different thing.
Anxiety disorder is an increased form of normal anxiety.
Anxiety disorder is a mental condition.
This can make you feel completely intimidated in situations that are normal for other people.
In this type of situation, you are unable to do anything or feel as if your hands and feet are frozen.
You find yourself so upset that you feel like you can’t move.
Some anxiety disorders are:
Generalized anxiety occurs when you feel excessive worry and nervousness even in normal situations.
Panic disorder is an increased form of fear that attacks suddenly and you can feel it at any time. In this, a person can feel chest pain, sweating and rapid heartbeat. Panic attack makes a person feel as if he is having a heart attack.
Phobias occur when you have an extreme fear of a particular thing or situation, such as a dark room, an animal, or the fear of drowning in water. A fear is considered a phobia when it starts to dominate your everyday life. In other words, you try your best to avoid that thing or situation, so much so that you make yourself and others upset because of it.
Social anxiety is when you feel nervous about interacting or mingling with people. You are constantly worried about making a fool of yourself in front of people. You are afraid that people may reject you or you may be embarrassed.
Now the question arises that how will you be able to tell whether you have normal anxiety or anxiety disorder? So for this you should see your symptoms.
Some common symptoms are as follows:
• Not being able to sleep at night.
Has some worry kept you up all night? Do you feel like your heart rate speeds up as you worry more and more about the basic things in your life? Like, going to the store in the morning to buy household supplies?
• Sweating in hands and feet.
Physiological changes also occur when there is anxiety. In addition to an increased heart rate, the hands and feet become cold or sweaty.
• Fast heartbeat.
If your heartbeat starts fast without any reason, then it can be a sign of anxiety disorder.
Feeling as if you are not able to breathe, feeling of vomiting and not being able to stand still in one place are also symptoms of this.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety disorder has been reported as the third largest psychological disorder.
The first two are depression and alcohol addiction.
People suffering from social anxiety are very shy. Being shy is also a normal human response. But people with social anxiety have such shyness that can have a negative impact on their lives. For example, it may prevent them from meeting new people. This can prevent them from having new experiences. It might hurt their grades and so on.
Here are some situations that can trigger social anxiety: speaking in front of a crowd, talking to people in a big or high position.
Some people are triggered by eating alone in front of everyone or doing something in a crowd. They don’t like all the attention being on them. He does not like to be seen in any kind of situation.
The symptoms of people who feel anxiety in such situations have been explained in the previous chapter.
They will feel extremely uncomfortable. They’ll sweat profusely, they’ll blush, they’ll feel like they’re going to vomit, their heart’s going to beat fast.
People with social anxiety hate the spotlight. They think that with all the attention on them, it will be easier for people to find faults in them. They feel that they are not fit to be in the social situation. They do not consider themselves worthy that others should give them their time. People with social anxiety tend to overthink everything. Suppose they go to a social event.
Now after returning home, he starts over-analyzing every little thing done by him. They will think that what they said or did was wrong. Because of this, people with social anxiety will try to avoid going to any social event in the future.
What Causes Social Anxiety?
The author of this book, Ashley Greene, has identified seven of the most common causes of social anxiety.
Firstly, behavioral.
One of the reasons why people have social anxiety is because of their past. For example, when a child touches a hot oven, the pain will always remind him that he should never touch the oven again. This pain will always be with him.
This can also be applied to social anxiety.
If ever a person has been humiliated or embarrassed in a social situation, then that experience will always be with him.
For this reason he is afraid of putting himself in the same situation again.
Second, thinking.
How a person perceives a situation also has a big role in promoting social anxiety. For example, at your friend’s wedding, you are going to say something about him in front of people.
Normally one would feel nervous before this.
But a person with social anxiety will start thinking about the worst aspect of that situation, that is, he will think that he will definitely say something wrong in his speech, due to which people will start laughing at him or while speaking he will forget what he had to say next etc.
This negative thinking is so severe that a person even swears to never do it again.
Third, evolutionary.
Man is a social animal that means he cannot live alone. Our ancestors long ago had to live together to survive.
But many are afraid to do so, they think they will be rejected. They don’t want to feel like they’re imposing themselves on other people. Therefore, people with social anxiety do not like to form relationships with others. By doing this they feel that they will be able to remain free from all kinds of pain.
Fourth, biological.
Take a look at your family.
It is highly likely that you got your social anxiety from your family.
A person’s genetic pattern is a huge factor when it comes to psychological disorders.
Fifth, painful or bad experience.
It is certain that a person will definitely have some or the other bad experience in his life.
But a traumatic event or some kind of trauma can be the beginning of why a person becomes socially anxious.
For example, bullying someone can leave a deep impression on that person’s mind that he is being made fun of.
Sixth, the circumstances of life.
Sometimes many such incidents happen in life due to which you become more worried than normal.
For example, after growing up, a feeling of independence starts coming in your mind.
Feeling that your life is up to you can be an intimidating responsibility for some people.
Seventh, today’s stress.
According to Ashley, there are two types of stress that can influence a person’s anxiety level, these are significant moves and significant changes.
Significant moves or big decisions happen when a person breaks the relationship with his close person. for example, family or friends.
Significant changes means big changes are the result of significant moves.
These changes affect how a person relates to others.
For example, losing contact with childhood friends can make a person feel lonely.
It can be difficult to tell if someone’s social anxiety is due to just one cause.
One cause can trigger other causes.
For example, a child does not like to appear in front of his classmates.
This may be because a year ago he felt embarrassed in front of the crowd.
But this embarrassment could also be because his mother has an anxiety disorder.
Instant Hits for Quick Social Anxiety Relief
Just because you don’t have a clinically diagnosed social anxiety disorder doesn’t mean you don’t panic.
There will be many occasions in your life when you will feel like your legs are frozen due to shame.
You may be asked to deliver the performance that your colleague was supposed to deliver.
Your shyness may prevent you from getting the post you deserve.
If you don’t have social anxiety disorder, these examples are not as important.
You can probably forget about that embarrassment in a day or two.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take them seriously.
Do you know why?
That’s because social anxiety can keep you from living life to the fullest.
This will prevent you from trying the opportunities that will come your way.
So, what should you do when social anxiety strikes you?
There are several things you can do here.
It may be useful for people who have difficulty socializing and who do not have the medical condition of social anxiety disorder.
At first, you don’t have to do anything. You heard right.
Until you know how to get relief from it, consider doing nothing.
Treat your worries as muddy water.
Sometimes, you don’t have to do anything to clean it i.e. when you don’t do anything, the dirt in that water will start settling down on its own and the water will become clear again.
Worry is like this.
Sometimes, it goes away on its own when you don’t try to get rid of it.
Second, don’t breathe too much.
One of the symptoms of social anxiety is hyperventilating, which is rapid, rapid breathing.
This happens when you feel that you are not getting enough air to breathe.
So try to breathe in as much as possible.
You take deep and long breaths here so that you can calm down.
You can even count your breaths to gain more control over your breathing.
Third, believe that this too shall pass.
You might be feeling terrible right now.
You may feel as though you may never see your face again.
But telling yourself that what you’re feeling right now will change will give you courage.
You won’t feel this way forever.
Of course people laughed at you and you probably never forget it,
But soon, you’ll realize that the moment wasn’t that special so it doesn’t matter.
It won’t ruin your life, so the sooner you realize this, the less anxious you’ll feel.
Fourth, talk to yourself.
Yes, it sounds very strange.
But it has really helped people to get rid of the feeling of anxiety.
Talking to yourself distracts you from fully focusing on your worry.
But how do you really do it?
So instead of talking negatively to yourself, you should talk positively and with love.
For example, when you wait for your turn to speak in front of people, you talk to yourself.
You can say, “I am calm and relaxed.”
This is speaking in a positive way.
Meanwhile, “I am not tense or upset.”
This is not speaking in a positive way.
When you can solve a problem or use affirmations to talk to yourself.
Solving riddles or maths problems will be helpful. Meanwhile, affirmations i.e. positive things help you to calm down as well as increase your confidence.
It may sound strange to use affirmations, but you will soon realize how powerful they are.
You can also say that even when you are nervous, you can still perform well or you can say that you are bigger than your anxiety.
It can also be helpful to remember good experiences or memories.
Think of a time when you felt most at peace, enjoying the lovely weather with a cup of hot ginger tea in your hand when it was drizzling outside and a cool breeze was blowing. Or when lying on the swing, your eyes were caught. Thinking about these happy moments can help you get rid of anxiety.
Self-Help Tactics for Managing Your Social Anxiety
The previous chapter was for those people who have normal anxiety problem and not social anxiety disorder.
The techniques in this chapter are for people whose disorder has been clinically diagnosed.
People struggling with this problem can do two things – they can either help themselves or take professional help.
There are three things that come inside the self-help option – worrying to get relief from worry, knowing that what is triggering us, can be solved and getting rid of unnecessary thoughts or those thoughts. doing which are not helping us in any way.
So the first thing to do to get relief from anxiety is to worry.
How strange this remedy sounds, but until you try it, you will not know whether it is effective for you or not.
This technique asks you to worry again and again. Worrying will help you better understand your anxiety.
You might be thinking, “How ridiculous is this?” But it’s effective because it helps you meet your quota of worrying. If you constantly worry about something, one day you will overcome it yourself.
It’s like binge eating at a buffet because you eat so much of your favorite food that you get bored of it.
Worrying again and again is exactly the same.
If you exhaust yourself with constant worrying, then you will be able to control your worry better.
So setting aside a time in which you are only worrying has a good effect. In this, you are setting yourself up to experience anxiety when it is a good time for you.
For example, you have to give a presentation, so if you worry about it after setting the time in advance, then when it is time to actually give the presentation, by then your quota of worrying will have been fulfilled, that is, till then you will worry about it. must have done
The second trick is to find out if what’s triggering your anxiety can be resolved. I’m sure you don’t want to think about any situation that triggers your anxiety, but this technique requires it.
Learn whether your triggers can be resolved.
Once you know this, you can work accordingly. Either you can do something about it or you can reduce your exposure to that trigger.
There are two ways to know whether you can resolve a trigger.
First, is your trigger a real problem or is it in your imagination?
Think deeply about the situation you are in. Is this a reality trigger, or is your mind just exaggerating anxiety?
For example, are you sure that some or the other flaw will definitely be found in you for your result? Even though last month, you were praised by your boss for your consistent and good work?
Next, are you really in a position to do anything about it?
For example, you want to introduce yourself to a CEO at a networking event.
You want to work with him, but you’re hesitant to approach him.
You are afraid that he might make fun of you or laugh at you.
However, acknowledging that you are not in control of how he treats you can ease your anxiety.
It is not in your hands how others will treat you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will worry less.
Third, remove unnecessary thoughts.
Our thoughts are very powerful.
You can either use them to your advantage or let them get the better of you.
It is easy to say but for this you have to try a lot.
What if you feel that your thoughts are the biggest obstacle or obstacle in your way? So know this thing that difficulties can be ended.
Your thoughts are just thoughts not facts.
They are not true.
But how do you get rid of unnecessary thoughts?
So first of all you have to be aware of your pattern.
Once you know what your unhelpful thought pattern is, you can challenge and eliminate it.
Here are five common patterns –
First of all, it comes to keep thinking about the future.
You get upset when you are tired of thinking about what will happen tomorrow.
But the thing is that no one can know what will happen tomorrow so you are unnecessarily wasting your energy and time.
Second is, mind reading means you yourself believe that people are thinking wrong about you.
But have you ever noticed that you do not have any solid proof of this?
Again, remember that your Thoughts are not true.
Mind reading will only lower your confidence.
Third, take things personally. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
Just because someone is silent doesn’t mean they hate you.
If you haven’t done anything wrong, they have no reason to be angry with you.
Fourth, over-generalizing. If something goes wrong with you once, then it is not necessary, isn’t it that every time something goes wrong with you? Just because you messed up your speaking in one of your presentations, it does not mean that you will never be able to speak properly in front of anyone.
Fifth, focus only on negative things.
As mentioned, people with social anxiety tend to spend time thinking about what went wrong in a social situation.
Due to this, they convert their positive conversation into negative.
Now that you know all the common patterns, identify which ones you use the most.
Then, when those patterns start to take hold, become aware of yourself and stop them from happening.
For example, you are used to thinking about the future.
You might think that meeting someone new would be too bad.
But ask yourself, what evidence do you have to say that?
You have met strangers in the past as well and at that time nothing wrong happened to you, rather some strangers even became your friends.
What if you told an old friend of yours how you thought meeting them for the first time would turn out bad?
What do you think he will say?
She’ll probably laugh and tell you that you were worrying unnecessarily and she’s right.
Now, imagine yourself six months from now, how do you think you would be seeing yourself today?
Will you still be worried about meeting someone new after six months?
Worrying doesn’t come with an on/off switch.
You can’t stop the problem of overthinking with a pinch of salt, but you can definitely use it to your advantage.
Try to see the positive side of every situation.
Instead of thinking that something will go wrong, try to think in this way, who knows if something good will happen?
Conclusion
So first, you learned the difference between diagnosed anxiety and “normal” anxiety.
It is normal to be nervous or worried about something.
But it becomes a matter of concern when your worry is more than according to the situation.
In this we learned about social anxiety.
This happens when a person gets nervous in any kind of social situation.
They get sleepless nights when they think about interacting with other people.
In such a situation, their heart rate increases, hands and feet become cold and they also have difficulty in breathing.
Second, you learned that there are many factors that cause social anxiety.
It can be mostly behavioral, cognitive, evolutionary or biological.
Traumatic experiences, life’s difficulties and stress can also be the reason.
Third, you learned about different ways to overcome social anxiety.
It is important to note that these techniques are effective for people who experience normal anxiety.
In this, you have to control your breath and believe that all your anxious feelings are coming out.
Talking to yourself can also help you a lot.
Using positive affirmations, remembering good memories or finding a solution to a problem can also help.
Fourth, you learned about self-help tricks for people with diagnosed social anxiety.
It is also advised to seek professional help.
But because professional help isn’t always available, helping yourself is a much better approach.
These tricks are knowing whether or not there is a solution to what is triggering you, getting rid of negative thoughts when they come, etc.
Some people believe that their social anxiety will never go away,
It has become such a part of him that he will have to live with it forever.
But using the techniques described in this summary will make it somewhat easier to overcome this discord.
All it takes is a little practice and time to control your anxiety.
But know that you can do it.
You can still live your life the way you want to.
You too can be happy like everyone else and enjoy life to the fullest by being around people.