How to make people do what you want– Methods of subtle psychology to read people, persuade, and influence human behavior by James Williams
This book will help
* Salesmen
* Entrepreneur
* People who want to improve their communication skills
We all want something or the other in life, be it money, success or connections. This summary can be your guide to getting all that stuff. By reading just a few pages, you will understand how you can influence people effectively. In this summary, you will learn the art of persuasion. In this, you will learn the secrets to achieving confidence, good communication and success. There are several psychological techniques that you can use to get someone to agree with you. With practice, you too can become an influential person.
About the Author
James Williams is a best selling author. He has written more than 40 books on communication skills, emotional intelligence and self-confidence. His books include titles such as “How to Talk to Anyone About Anything” and “How to Analyze People.” James has previously struggled with shyness and a lack of confidence. His aim is to help others to overcome these difficulties as he has overcome them.
Introduction
Have you ever wondered how sales people always get new clients even when they have crappy products, or how some people get their work done?
So its connection persuasion means with the art of persuading someone. If you know how to persuade people, then you can get whatever you want from life.
Let us first see what is persuasion. To persuade means to influence people, it means to influence people with your words. The most important part of persuading someone is how you interact with them. Apart from your words, it also matters how people see you. The way you speak and how you present yourself all affect their decision.
This summary will tell you the secret to effectively persuading someone. It will also help you become a better speaker.
You will know what you need to persuade and what you can do to persuade others. You will come to know about the internal factors in which you should improve and also about the external factors which you can take advantage of.
It is not easy to convince people, especially in today’s time when people have become more skeptical. But with the help of this summary, you can learn how to do it effectively. When you master the art of persuasion, there will be nothing that you will not be able to do in the long run.
Understanding the Art of Persuasion
Before you can get people to do what you want, you have to understand the art of persuasion. This is one of the most important concepts discussed in this summary. Let us start this chapter with a story.
James Williams, the author of this book, was a very shy and quiet child. He would often stand silently in a corner of his class watching his classmates play and enjoy. He used to see them laughing at each other on childish things but could not connect with them. But despite his hesitant attitude, James always had a passion for marketing. Although it was difficult for him to be successful with this nature, he took marketing classes in college to fulfill his dream.
What James loved about marketing was that he could bring creative ideas to life. He always had the talent of creativity. Marketing was the best way for James to get it out there.
Once in marketing class, James is put in a group with half of his class to work on their final test. Their task was to effectively market a pair of Nike shoes in just 3 minutes. James immediately had a great campaign idea. He had a unique concept that could help his group get the highest score in the class.
But when James told this idea to his classmates, no one agreed with him. Most of them were silent and some nodded their heads listening.
The idea chosen for their marketing campaign was the charismatic man’s pitch. His campaign was decent, but what impressed his classmates was the way he presented his idea.
James’ idea was not selected that day, but he learned an important lesson. You can’t convince people just by having the right concept. It is also important to put that idea or product in front of you as effectively as possible.
The art of Persuasion has been around for many years. The reason why it is so famous is because it is effective. Anyone can try to sell something by talking but only a few people succeed in it. Clear meaning and good delivery matter in the art of persuasion. The reason most people fail is that they lack both of these.
Clear meaning means what you want people to believe. You don’t just say a few words to them. Everything you say has purpose and intention behind it.
Like when you are about to sell a car, then you need to tell the features or quality of that car. You can say, “The car is the key to your freedom” or “It leads you to success.” No matter what you say, you should use words that clearly convey the thought you want to put in other people’s minds. In this case, it should be about how good your car is.
For persuasion, you need both charisma and character. When James was young, he lacked both these things, so even though his idea was good, he was not selected.
A clear message is nothing if you can’t convey it properly. Most of the time people hear what they want to hear. The coming chapters will tell you in detail what good delivery is.
Remember that story we told earlier about James’ presentation failure? If at that time he had adopted the thought that “I believe in myself and I will make you believe in me”, then perhaps it could have turned out better. Confidence is influenced by a person’s aura and how they deliver their message, among many other things. So as long as you have confidence you can get better results.
The second quality that you need is patience. When you want to get people to do something of your mind, then you have to be patient. You will not get the result immediately. Most of the time it takes time to do this. If you rush into it, you will fail.
Let us give you an example of this.
Suppose you want your boss to give you a promotion. You have been the Best Employee for the last 10 months consecutively. You feel that you are entitled to get what you are asking for.
When you talk to your boss about this, he says he will talk to you about it after 1 week. He says he needs to think about your request and talk to HR.
Now if you do not have patience then you will trouble your boss for this in 1 week. Instead of saying you deserve this promotion, he may think the opposite. Compare that reaction to being patient and giving your boss time to consider your request. If you’re a little more patient, he’ll be convinced that you’re worth the promotion and will help you get it.
See, what happens with patience is that it makes people think that you are not in a rush to get them to do something. So in the end they do that work. It is a light way of celebrating which has more impact on the subconscious part of the mind.
The last quality you need is to be sociable. Before you can persuade people, you have to build a relationship with them. Having a connection that is deeper than a superficial level opens you up to more opportunities in the future. Plus it creates a sense of trust and understanding that wouldn’t have been there if you hadn’t made the effort to get to know them first.
James Williams learned the hard way the importance of being friendly.
His job involved getting clients to work with his firm. He once contacted a big client with whom his boss wanted to sign a contract for a long time. James created a $50,000 contract and gave the client the best deal his company could offer. But that client refused that deal and signed the contract with their competitor firm.
Years later, James met an employee of the same competitor firm. He came to know that the client he had lost is still a long term client of that company. When James asked another employee how he did it, the employee replied, “We golf together every weekend, so it probably helped.” It was then that James realized that building a relationship was more important than a good offer. Instead of giving his best deal, he should have focused on improving their relationship.
In this story we saw that a good relationship is above everything. Despite having a good offer, James’ company lost because of the relationship that his competitor’s firm had built with the client. Think about getting more personal with your clients instead of focusing on what you can offer them. The more you connect with a person, the more chances that person will listen to you.
Being Able to Talk to Anyone
Knowing how to talk to people is only part of persuading them. Earlier we told that delivery is necessary to influence the behavior of others. In this part of the summary, we will discuss how to approach and interact with the people you want to persuade. Remember what you say is important, but how you say it matters more. You don’t want to ruin a great speech just by reading it.
The first thing you need to know when talking to someone is that your confidence level matters. Whatever you are feeling sad, happy or angry, the person you are talking to will pick up on that emotion from your words and actions. A confident aura lets people know that what you’re trying to say is important. This makes them want to listen to you more and pay attention to your idea.
Suppose you hear a salesman saying ‘umm’ and ‘a’ while giving a presentation, then will you not lose interest in listening to him? By saying Confident aura, we mean a person who is not afraid to say or do something that he has to say or do. When you look confident, then you eliminate doubt from the mind of the person in front. You solidify their belief in the way you express yourself.
It may be that for many, confidence does not come naturally. Only a few people can completely capture the attention of a large crowd and retain it for a long time. The good thing is that you can increase your confidence. It won’t be easy, but eventually you’ll get to their level.
James lists five steps to boost your confidence. It is important here that you make them your habit by practicing continuously.
The first step is to be ready. When you are going for a conference or meeting you should know what you want to get from it. A person who has prepared can answer most questions without gibberish or gibberish. When you decide the direction of a conversation, you can influence others to go in the same direction.
A perfect example of this is going to a job interview. It is normal that you want the employer to hire you, so you have to find a way to influence their decision by talking to them. When you take all the information about that company and job in a job interview, then your chances of getting that job are more than a person who does not know anything.
The second step is to stop humiliating yourself. As a human being, we all become negative sometimes. We do this when we are not sure about a situation or feel insecure. But to become confident, you have to leave your negative thinking and start adopting positive thinking. You can’t be confident if you keep sabotaging your chances with nativity.
The third step is to avoid comparing yourself with others. Doing this is very helpful, especially for those who constantly look to others to motivate themselves to do things.
Remember everyone has their own talents and skills. By comparing yourself with others, you will lose the right opportunities. You will never be happy with life because there will always be someone more beautiful, stronger or smarter than you. But focusing on the fact that what you have is enough can help boost your confidence in a way that nothing else can. So instead of seeking approval from others, look at yourself. The only person you should compete with is yourself.
The fourth step is to take care of yourself. The better you feel, the more confident you will become. Imagine that you are sad and thinking that you are not good at something. How will this thinking affect your performance when speaking in front of a large crowd? You will start stammering and start thinking that there is no way that people are interested in listening to you. The result of this will be that your confidence will decrease and you will start feeling worse than before.
Life seems more beautiful when you think good about yourself and feel good. When you take care of yourself emotionally and physically, you also take care of your confidence. You can try yoga, meditation, or therapy to help you gain more confidence.
The last step is to believe in yourself. Trust is a very important part of confidence. If you do not believe in yourself then you will fail.
A life without trust is filled with doubt and worry. You start worrying about everything, which shows in your actions and words. When you want to influence people, you need to make them believe you. If you can’t convince yourself, you won’t be able to convince others either.
Start practicing these steps to increase your confidence in speaking to others.
Mastering the Art of Body Language
Your body language tells a lot about you. It tells people whether you are someone they should listen to or ignore. Most influential people have confident body language and can persuade people just by the way they walk. Once he enters the room, everyone becomes silent and listens to him.
Your goal is to get the same result while talking to people. You have to appear strong and confident before you even start talking. But many people are unable to master the art of body language and become influential with their actions. In this chapter, we will discuss how you can improve your ability to carry yourself and appear more powerful.
Your body language is responsible for about 58% of your interactions with others. Only 38% of the message you want to convey goes through your words. While influencing people, you have to use your body language more effectively.
Body language is much more than your body movements. This includes your facial expression, manner of talking and eye contact. Many people think that body language is only influenced by the mind but it is much more than that. See, your mind controls your body, but your body can also affect your mind.
Imagine that a person is sad. You would probably imagine a person who is sitting with slouched back and shoulders. Now try to sit in the same position. Even if you do not feel immediately, but after a while you will also start feeling sad.
Now what does this information tell you about how to persuade others? This means that your actions can change how others feel. When you want to persuade someone of something, you have to make them agreeable and open-minded. The way to do this without speaking is by raising your eyebrows or pausing while speaking.
Think of it this way. Your goal is to make the person in front nod his head up and down on your words. In most cultures, nodding your head up and down means you agree with someone. When you raise your eyebrows or pause while speaking, you give people time to think about what you said. By making a positive gesture, you are also encouraging them to give a positive response.
There are other body language techniques you can use to send persuasive messages to others. This includes your posture, eye contact and gestures.
Good posture can convince people more than bad posture. Now think of two such persons, one of whom is sitting leaning on a chair and the other who is standing straight. Who would you choose to believe? Of course on another person.
We have already mentioned that the way you present yourself can change the perception of a person about you. When you stand up straight, they are more likely to respect you and listen to you. But, you also need to work on your eyes and how you look at them. The strength of eye contact can make a huge difference.
While speaking, you should look directly into the eyes of the person in front of you. When you often break eye contact and look at other things around you, you will appear weak and suspicious. Maintaining a positive facial expression also helps with conversation. Instead of furrowing your eyebrows, look calm or happy.
A very important part of influencing others is also your hand gesture. You can spoil the mood of a conversation even just by shaking hands. You appear more passionate when you include hand gestures in conversation. The result of which will be that people will want to listen to you more.
There are many gestures that you can use to convey different meanings. Like you can keep your hands by your side by widening your chest. This gesture tells people that you are open and can be easily approached.
Other people are also involved in the art of body language. To be more influential, you also need to learn to read other people’s body language. Remember you are not alone in this conversation and your main goal is to get people to agree with you. If you’re too focused on how you present yourself, you’ll probably miss other signs of reluctance or discomfort. Pay attention to their posture, way of talking, eye contact, and gestures so you know how to keep the conversation going.
How Repetition Changes Everything
You must have heard the saying, “Practice makes perfect” means by doing something repeatedly you become good at it. It is one of the most popular and used terms. The reason it is popular is not because it sounds good or impressive. This is because it is true to a great extent.
Greatness doesn’t just come from pure talent. It takes hard work and dedication and practice is the only thing you can achieve. Do you remember how in the beginning you found it difficult to do something but gradually you got better at it? This is what practice does. It prepares you for success. Without practice, you will never be as good as you want to be.
Now what is the importance of practice while influencing people? So the answer lies in what is called repetition. When you practice, you keep doing the same thing over and over until you get better at it. The same concept applies to influencing others as well.
Let’s hear how Melissa convinced her boyfriend, Mark, to take up yoga. By the end of this story, you will know about the effect of repeating and the effect of influencing others.
Mark was always irritated by the name of Yoga. On the other hand, Melissa could not live without it even for a day. After each yoga session, Melissa went home to tell Mark how great it made her feel and how relaxing it could be. After a few months of persuasion, Mark finally relents and goes to his first yoga class with Melissa.
Initially, Mark did not see any good in yoga. She had to do many different yoga positions within 40 minutes and it was very uncomfortable in the beginning. But as Melissa kept talking about how relaxing and light-hearted these poses were, Mark began to see why Melissa loved yoga so much.
Mark didn’t dislike yoga because he didn’t like to exercise. This was because he was not used to it. People constantly tell Mark that yoga is an exercise for women. But when Melissa kept touting its benefits, Mark realized it was something he should try too.
In this story, you see how Melissa’s constant encouragement changes Mark’s mind. Instead of considering it strange, he started opening up to it and also accepted that it is a normal thing. When you are influencing people, you have to put it in their mind that it is normal to follow your advice. How can you do this? So it’s easy. You can repeat repeated messages meaning the same message over and over again.
One of the tricks of successful advertisers is that they send repeated messages to their target audience, meaning they send the same message over and over again. They assure them that what they are selling is normal and should be a part of people’s everyday lives. For example, every morning as soon as you turn on the TV, you see an advertisement of a car. Better late but you will develop an attachment to that car and find a good reason to buy it.
To persuade someone through repeated messages, you need to set a clear message, which can be understood by the person to whom you want to give it. And you should repeat it as many times as possible so that it gets stuck in the mind of the other person. Remember, the more you talk about it, the more he will think about it. Your goal is to send this message until it becomes normal for them to adopt it.
The power of positivity
You can get people to do the things you want them to do in many ways. Some of them are using fear or pressure. But the effect of these methods is only for some time and there are mistakes in it. Negative emotion will never work.
Suppose you see a mother and child going to a cafe. You see the mother taking a phone call while sitting and not paying attention to the child sitting next to her. The child sees a dog sleeping under a nearby table. The child slowly walks towards the dog. The child plays with and caresses the sleeping dog. After some time the mother notices that her child is not there, so she immediately calls the child to sit near her.
After a few minutes the child again turns to the dog. The mother sees him again and calls him to sit beside her. This happens 4 times and finally the woman gets angry. When the child stands up again, his mother shouts, “Sit down, don’t move from here. You’re too much of a bother. I’ll leave you.”
The baby gets scared when it hears its mother screaming and it is normal for it to cry and sit motionless next to its mother for some time. But after some time the child calms down and sees his mother busy talking on the phone, then he slowly gets up and goes to that dog again. When the mother sees this, she takes the child and goes back home.
This story shows how ineffective fear is in getting people to do what you want them to do. As you have seen that child obeys its mother only for a few minutes and then goes back to the dog.
Instead of intimidation or coercion, you should use the power of positivity. When you have a positive attitude, you will be able to influence others effectively.
Suppose your friends are asking for your help to remove stuff from the house. The first friend comes over and says, “Hey, let’s go eat pizza and watch a movie after I get everything in order. I’m moving house next week, so can you come over and help me out?” And another friend tells you, “I have broken up with my girlfriend. I am feeling very sad and depressed right now. I need to shift from our house. Can you help me?” Which friend would you be more motivated to help? It is normal that your answer will be the first friend. When we see some negativity, we try our best to avoid it.
When you look, feel and speak well, people will think about your idea.
You need to infuse positivity in what you want them to do. Try to make it a positive experience instead of ordering them directly. When people feel that they can get something positive out of it, they will be more inspired to follow your point.
Like if you want your daughter to brush. A child always dislikes doing this work. But when you pair it with a positive experience, like giving them play time or spending time with them after brushing, they’ll slowly come to see brushing as something they look forward to.
Conclusion
First of all you learned about the art of persuasion. There are 2 parts to influencing people: giving a clear message and good delivery.
Second, know the importance of having a persuasive mindset. Being confident, patient, and sociable, you can train yourself to be more persuasive by practicing these characteristics.
Third, this summary taught you how to talk to others. When you are trying to influence people, you should speak confidently. You can do this by being prepared, having a positive mind, not comparing yourself to others, taking care of yourself, and believing in yourself.
Fourth you learned about the art of body language. Communication is not just about talking. This includes body movement, posture, eye contact and hand gestures. The stronger you appear with your body language, the more people will think about listening to you.
Fifth, this summary has shown you that repeating something can change everything. Sending a clear and repeated message can be more helpful in getting others to listen to you. The more you repeat something, the more the chances of people adopting it will increase.
At last you understood how positivity affects persuasion. People are more likely to listen to positivity rather than fear or coercion. When you’re trying to influence others, put a positive message behind everything you say. People are more motivated when they feel good about what they are about to do.
The Art of Persuasion has given you more than just the ability to persuade. It also lets you understand others by the way they walk, talk and behave. This summary taught you how to influence others and improve yourself. With good communication skills and confidence, you can convince people and get them to follow you every step of the way.